" There's something wrong with me, Doc," he began hesitantly. "I have everything - money, power, a great family, and all the expensive playthings you could imagine. I expected to enjoy myself when I got to this point, but I don't."
"My life is a treadmill," he continued, "and I feel stuck on it. I golf regularly, go to the Bahamas twice a year, but nothing makes me happy like it should. I've worked hard all my life. I deserve some pleasure."
His eyes got misty. Embarrassed, he looked furtively around his chair. I'll finish telling you about his first visit in a moment…
My patient was making the mistake we all make when it comes to fun and recreation. We expect fun and happiness to be the "automatic" rewards of success. We set goals and work hard to achieve them. In the meantime, we accept the notion that our happiness is just around the next bend and will undoubtedly be reached with just a bit more hard work.
Our all-out pursuit of happiness takes its toll on us, especially when we notice that the fun and happiness we're chasing is like the proverbial brass ring - always out of our reach. So, we compensate ourselves with something called recreation. This is, in fact, why the concept of recreation was created in the first place. It's a socially endorsed periodic activity designed to "reward" us for the relatively joyless enterprise we call work. A reward we crave since our work mysteriously never delivers our fun and happiness!
Even the term recreation itself implies something is amiss; you don't need "re-creating," unless some part of the original "creation" is lost! But recreation has, unfortunately, become another "necessity" for busy folks who want to stay healthy, a protection from physical and mental burnout. All work and no play, it turns out, makes Jack and Jill sick people indeed.
Unfortunately, recreation too often represents one more "chore" on an already over-filled to-do list. What's more, the compensation we get from it is usually not sufficient to completely regain a healthy balance. Rarely are vacations long enough, and our weekends aren't free enough from responsibilities, to overcome our reluctance to return to the drudgery of our work.
Sadly, we realize that our efforts at recreation are usually as fruitless as the work from which we're escaping - neither effort is giving us the fun and happiness we really want. But, fortunately, there is a way to break this cycle. It involves correcting our mistaken idea that success "produces" fun. The truth is just the opposite - it is fun that produces success. Fun is what creates your good work, fun is not the result of it!
Guided by this truth, we can change our focus and look for fun in everything we do, especially our work. That is how the gentleman sitting in my office solved his dilemma. I taught him that fun can never really be postponed; we either have it in the moment or lose it forever. Once fun is lost, no amount of effort makes up for the deficit.
Here are the three steps my patient took that allowed him to finally find the fun and happiness he was always chasing:
- He adjusted his attitude about fun
He learned to recognize the fundamental difference between fun and funny. Funny is a behavior that evokes laughter. Fun is simply the willingness to find something positive in every moment, regardless of the circumstances. At times, funny can be out of place; fun never is. - He rediscovered his aptitude for fun
We're all born with a natural affinity towards playfulness. He learned to "resurrect" his humor nature with certain self-disciplines, such as smiling more often, embracing the unexpected, and looking for the pony in every pile of manure. - He practiced effective fun tactics
This step wasn't about telling jokes. It involved learning such tactics as
accepting surprises as opportunities, not setbacks, and responding to others' ideas with "Yes, and…", instead of "Yes, but…"
By the way, during that first visit, my patient continued, "Where the hell's your Kleenex? You're a shrink, for God's sake. You ought to have a damn tissue around here."
"Do you want a new one or a used one?" I asked.
He looked at me sharply.
"The new ones cost extra," I added, keeping a straight face.
He was momentarily confused. Then he burst into a laugh, which lasted longer than my silly joke deserved.
"My God, that's the first good laugh I've had in a week," he said. "I used to laugh all the time."
That was just the beginning of his journey, of course, but once he began having more fun all the time, this man's recreation became a natural byproduct that added to his enjoyment, rather than a desperate effort to justify his hard work. And his hard work morphed into the natural outgrowth of his fun and happiness. Find your own fun and happiness by duplicating my patient's efforts and visit my website if you'd like a running start!
Cliff Kuhn, M.D.
The Laugh Doctor
The Natural Medicine of Humor
"Discover a unique, FREE, and incredibly powerful prescription created out of desperation by a (formerly) stressed-out Kentucky psychiatrist"
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