Talk to Your Kids about Tobacco, Alcohol, and Drugs

The Basics

Talk to your child about the dangers of tobacco, alcohol, and drugs. Knowing the facts will help your child make healthy choices.

What do I say?

When you talk about tobacco, alcohol, and drugs:

* Give your child clear rules.

* Find out what your child already knows.

* Be prepared to answer your child’s questions.

* Talk with your child about how to say “no”.

Get more information on keeping kids healthy and drug free (http://family.samhsa.gov/default.aspx).

When do I start talking with my child?

Start early. By preschool, most children have seen adults smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol, either in real life or on TV. Make sure your child knows right from the start that you think it’s important to stay safe and avoid drugs.

Here are more reasons to start the conversation early:

* Many kids start using tobacco by age 11 and are addicted by age 14.

* Between ages 9 and 13, kids begin to think that using alcohol is okay.

* Some children are already abusing drugs at age 12 or 13.

Why do I need to talk to my child?

Research shows that kids do listen to their parents. Children who learn about drug risks from their parents are less likely to start using drugs.

When kids choose not to use alcohol or drugs, they are also less likely to:

* Have serious trouble in school

* Get hurt in a car accident

* Be a victim of crime

* Have a problem with addiction as an adult

If you say nothing, your child may think it’s okay to use alcohol and other drugs.

Take Action!

Start to talk with your child about tobacco, alcohol, and drugs today.

Talk with your child early and often.

Start having conversations about your values and expectations while your child is young. Your child will get used to sharing information and opinions with you. This will make it easier for you to continue talking as your child gets older.

Here are some tips:

* Use everyday events to start a conversation. For example, if you see a group of kids smoking, talk about how tobacco hurts the body.

* Give your child your full attention. Turn off the TV, radio, cell phone, and computer, and really listen.

* Try not to “talk at” your child. Encourage your child to ask questions. If you don’t know the answer to a question, look it up together.

Get more tips on talking with your child (http://family.samhsa.gov/talk/empcomm.aspx).

Teach your child the facts.

Your child needs to know how using tobacco, alcohol, and drugs can hurt the body and cause problems at home and in school. Kids who know the facts are more likely to make good choices.

Set clear rules for your child.

Not wanting to upset their parents is the number one reason kids give for not using drugs. Your child will be less tempted to use tobacco, alcohol, and drugs if you explain your rules clearly.

Give your child tools to say “NO”.

Kids say that they use alcohol and other drugs to “fit in and belong” with other kids. Talk to your child about how to say “no”. Your child can make a plan for when other kids offer tobacco, drugs, or alcohol.

Set a good example.

* If you smoke, try to quit.

* If you drink, don’t drink too much or too often.

* If you use drugs, find a treatment program near you

* Never drink or use drugs and drive.

Nine Mistakes Parents Make With Toddlers

By David Freeman

WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Laura J. Martin, MD

Mistake No. 1: Being Inconsistent.

Toddlers do best when they know what to expect, whether it's what time they bathe or go to bed or what consequences they'll face for misbehaving. The more consistent and predictable things are, the more resilient and agreeable a toddler is likely to be.

Fix it: As much as you can, keep regular routines for your child. Consistency can be a challenge when parents (or other caregivers) don't see eye to eye.

Not sure how best to react if your child dumps food on the floor or ignores bedtime? Sit down with your partner ahead of time to decide on an appropriate response -- and stick with it.

"You don't want to send mixed messages," says Tanya Remer Altmann, MD, the author of Mommy Calls: Dr. Tanya Answers Parents' Top 101 Questions about Babies and Toddlers and a pediatrician in private practice in Los Angeles. "You really want to be consistent."

Mistake No. 2: Focusing on Family Time

It's delightful to spend time with the whole family. But some parents go overboard on family time.

"Kids cherish time alone time with one parent," says Thomas Phelan, PhD, a clinical psychologist in suburban Chicago and the author of several parenting books, including 1-2-3 Magic. "One-on-one time is fun for parents too, because there's no sibling rivalry to contend with."

Fix it: What's a good way to spend one-on-one time with a toddler? Phelan recommends simply getting down on the floor together and playing.

Mistake No. 3: Offering Too Much Help

Some parents jump in to help a toddler who is having trouble doing something. Before you do, consider the possibility that by helping your child complete a puzzle or put on a shirt, you may be sending the message that he/she can't do it alone -- in other words, that the child is incompetent.

"Parents who offer too much help may be sabotaging their young children's ability to become self-reliant," says Betsy Brown Braun, the Los-Angeles-based author of You're Not the Boss of Me.

Fix it: "We need to teach children to tolerate struggle," Braun says.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with offering praise and encouragement. "Be a cheerleader," Brown says. "Say, 'You can do this!'"

Mistake No. 4: Talking Too Much

Talking with toddlers is usually a terrific idea. But not when it's time to rein in errant behavior.

Imagine a mom has just said "no" to her 2-year-old's request for a cookie. The child fusses. Mom explains that it's suppertime. The child grabs a cookie anyway. Mom takes it away, and tries again to explain herself to her now tearful child. Back and forth it goes, with mounting frustration on both sides.

"Talking can lead to what I call the talk-persuade-argue-yell-hit pattern," Phelan says. "Toddlers are not adults in a little body. They're not logical, and they just can't assimilate what you are saying to them."

Fix it: What's the smart way to lay down the law? Once you tell your toddler to do something, Phelan says, don't talk about it or make eye contact. If the child disobeys, give a brief verbal warning or count to three. If the child refuses to toe the line, give a time-out or another immediate consequence. No explaining!

Mistake No. 5: Serving Only Kiddie Food

Does your toddler seem to eat nothing but chicken fingers and fries? Are goldfish crackers the only fish he or she eats? As some parents realize too late, toddlers fed a steady diet of nutritionally iffy kid's foods may resist eating anything else.

Fix it: Encourage your child to try "grown-up" fare. "A good percentage of kids are willing to try a new food if they see mommy and daddy enjoying it," Altmann says. "If they push back, keep putting it on their plate. Some kids need to try things a dozen or more times before they take to it."

But don't worry too much if your toddler is a picky eater. "Most toddlers are," Braun says.

"Children love the fight over food. If we make a fuss about it, it becomes a much bigger deal than it needs to be," Braun says. Her advice: As long as there's something your child can eat on the plate, don't worry. Do not allow yourself to become your child's short-order cook.

Mistake No. 6: Getting Rid of the Crib

Cribs do more than keep little ones safe. They promote good sleep habits.

A toddler moved too soon into a "real" bed may have trouble staying in bed or falling asleep, and so may end up climbing into bed with mommy and daddy.

"Some moms wear themselves out because they have to lie down with their child every night," Altmann says. "They don't realize they're the ones who set the pattern."

Fix it: When is it time to get rid of the crib? When your child asks for a bed or starts climbing out of the crib. For most kids, that comes between the ages of 2 and 3.

Mistake No 7: Starting Potty Training Too Soon

Some parents cajole their children into using the toilet when they think it's time -- and issue harsh reprimands when things go awry. That can lead to a power struggle.

Fix it: "Children learn to use the toilet when they're ready," Altmann says. "The process shouldn't be rushed."

But you can set the stage. Show your toddler the toilet. Explain its use. If you feel comfortable doing so, let your child watch you use the toilet -- and offer praise if he or she gives it a whirl.

What if your child is still in diapers at age 4? "Don't worry," Altmann says. "No child is ever going to go to college in diapers."

Mistake No. 8: Allowing Too Much Screen Time

Toddlers who watch lots of TV often have more trouble learning later on. And studies suggest that kids under the age of 2 can't really take in what's being displayed on TV and computer screens.

Fix it: Keep your toddler busy with reading and other, more creative pursuits. Have conversations-and encourage talking as well as listening. "The longer you can hold off exposing your child to TV, the better," Altmann says.

Mistake No. 9: Trying to Stop a Tantrum

Some parents worry that an out-of-control child makes them seem like ineffectual parents. But all toddlers have tantrums. When they do, it's pointless to try to talk them out of it -- even if the drama is unfolding in front of company or in a public place.

"When we are in public and dealing with a child, we feel judged," Braun says. "We feel like there is a neon sign over our heads saying we are incompetent parents."

Fix it: Braun says parents must remember that the child matters more than the opinions of other people -- especially strangers.

If people glare or offer unwanted advice, simply smile and say something like, "Gosh, do you remember what it was like?" Then scoop up the wailing child and find a place away from prying eyes for the tantrum to run its course. Once it does, offer the child a hug and go on with your day.

Source : http://www.webmd.com/

Teaching Your Child How to Follow Instructions

Do you ever feel like a broken record, having to repeat things over and over to you child? If so, teaching him or her the simple skill of following instructions will help you both tremendously! Here is a guide for teaching your child this very important skill.

When given an instruction, you should do the following:

1. Look at the person who is talking.
2. Show that you understand ("I understand," "Okay" or "I'll do it"). Make sure you wait until the person has finished talking before you do what is asked. It is usually best to answer, but sometimes nodding your head will be enough to show the person that you understand.
3. Do what is asked in the best way that you can.
4. Let the person know that you have finished.

It is important to do what is asked because it shows your ability to cooperate and it saves time. Following instruction will help you in school, at home and in the community, with peers as well as adults.

Here are some helpful hints:

* After finding out exactly what someone is directing you to do, start the task immediately.
* If you have any concern that doing what is asked will result in some type of negative consequence for you, or if you don't understand the instruction, ask a trusted adult.
* Do what is asked as pleasantly as possible.
* Check back as soon as you finish. This increases the chance that you will get credit for doing a good job. It also means that somebody else won't have time to mess it up before you check back.

Summary: Want to help your child be successful throughout the day? Teach him or her the simple skill of following instructions.

http://www.parenting.org/tween-years/parenting/teaching-your-child-how-follow-instructions

Kids Home Alone

Many parents face the question of whether or not they should leave their children on their own during the day. If you are wondering whether or not your children are old enough to be left alone, first call your Child Protection Services to find out the minimum legal age at which they can be on their own. Then consider their ages and abilities. Determine that they are able to follow directions, and then set up a plan. Practice: "This is what will happen when you are on your own. . . ."

Once you have decided that it is safe to leave your children home alone, teach them about safety issues:

* They should never open the door for anyone (nor peek through the blinds to look);
* Instruct them to stay in the house until you come home;
* Teach your children how to answer the phone and take messages without indicating they are alone;
* Use caller ID or an answering machine to screen calls;
* Have a plan of action in case something goes wrong; your children should know emergency numbers, parents’ work numbers, and numbers of neighbors or relatives who could step in;
* Practice what they would do and say if they needed to call 9-1-1. Tell them to give their full name, address, and telephone number, and to stay on the line until instructed by emergency personnel to hang up;
* To make them feel more secure, consider creating a "safe room" by installing a deadbolt and keeping a cellular phone in a designated room (be sure to have a key hidden outside the room in case someone gets locked in accidentally);
* If possible, have a neighbor or relative check in regularly, or have your children check in with that person. Perhaps you could pay someone to be a contact person with whom your children could be in regular contact;
* Go over fire procedures and practice escaping by two routes from every room;
* Don’t make your children responsible for food preparation. Have food that can be heated in the microwave or eaten cold from the refrigerator;
* Don’t allow your children to have company.

Don’t forget to address behavior issues:

* Make your expectations clear;
* Make rules or consequences that you can enforce: It may sound good to tell your child that he or she can’t watch TV all week, but if you’re not there to monitor, it is difficult to police;
* Let your children help make your house rules: They are less likely to break them;
* Go over the rules periodically, and post them in a prominent place;
* Call home at unpredictable times to see how they are doing, but also to let them know you will be checking up;
* Give them a few household jobs to do while you are at work;

If you are hesitant about leaving your children home alone, consider programs at community and recreation centers, churches, YMCAs and YWCAs, summer parks and recreation programs, and the public schools. Perhaps you can get together with other working parents in your neighborhood to hire a responsible college student to come to your homes.

A final warning: Statistics indicate that unsupervised kids are at greater risk of accident, harm by strangers, siblings, or friends, and are more apt to commit crimes than those under the care of an adult. Experts strongly recommend that you not leave children under 10 at home alone for any extended period of time.

Tell Them Why

The reason young children do the things they do is because they are just that - young children. They have not developed the ability to think things through, understand cause-and-effect relationships, or quickly learn from past mistakes. They are naturally self-centered and socially inexperienced. Many of the lessons they learn take a lot of trial and error. That's the bad news.

The good news is that there is something you can do that will help your children learn new skills and make good choices. Look at the following list of questions. They all start with the word "why."

Why won't my children do what I want them to do more often?
Why don't my children understand that their behavior affects others?
Why doesn't my child seem to know the benefits of doings things the right way?

As the parent of a young child, you have probably asked yourself these questions and others like them.

Giving reasons is the key to helping children understand what we are teaching them. Young children want and need to know why. They need to understand why things do and do not happen. They need to know how their behavior affects themselves and others. They need to know why some choices are better than others. Learning these connections helps children understand why they should do some things and not do others. To help children understand these "whys," parents must give reasons.

Here are a few thoughts on using reasons with your children:

* Use kid reasons - There are many types of reasons that can be used with young children, but the ones that seem to work best are those that are important to them. So, whenever possible, use reasons that will show your children how their behavior affects them.
* Use reasons often - You may need to use a reason several times in similar situations before your child begins to understand. Over time, though, your persistence and patience will help your children learn how their behavior affects what happens to them.
* Be brief - The attention span of young children can be very short, so the reasons you use need to be just as short.
* Be real - Even though children are young, they learn very quickly what is likely to happen and what is not. Make sure you use reasons that point out realistic outcomes of their behavior.
* Focus on the positive - While it is true that unpleasant things can result when children misbehave, we don't want kids to always be motivated by the fear of bad things happening. Rather, we want them to be motivated by the positive things that result from doing things well. So, use reasons that show your children how they and others benefit from doing something well.

Reasons are wonderful tools to use with all children, regardless of age. Reasons teach children how the world works by telling them what is likely to happen as a result of their behavior. These are important lessons for children to learn. Although children understand reasons better as they get older, there is evidence that reasons are effective with children as young as 3 years old. So get in the habit of giving reasons when you teach. Both you and your children will benefit.

Saying "No" To Drugs

As parents of young children, drugs aren't likely to be on your radar screen yet. Instead, you're likely to be more concerned with issues that are common with this age group, like how to deal with temper tantrums or getting your child to go to sleep on time.

But drugs have devastating effects on people's lives, so it's not too early to begin teaching your children about the dangers of drugs. The earlier you start your teaching, the better chances you'll have of shaping your child's attitudes and choices when he or she comes face to face with this issue.

The following are some concepts about drugs that parents of young children can begin incorporating into their teaching and parenting:

* Studies show that drug users have low self-esteem; you should help your children learn to feel important and successful.
* Children are more likely to say "No" to drugs if they feel loved and wanted.
* You should praise and respect your children for good behavior and making good choices, listen to their problems, and show concern and care about their feelings.
* Saying "No" to drugs is easier for children who feel a sense of belonging and acceptance at home and at school.
* Children who are allowed to make some decisions for themselves and feel a sense of independence are more likely to find it easier to say "No" to drugs.
* You will miss excellent opportunities to help your children grow up responsibly if you do everything for them and require them to do nothing.
* Children who are lonely, or are looking for something to soothe their pain, are more likely to turn to drugs for comfort.

The pain associated with the use and/or abuse of drugs by a child is a horrendous experience for both parent and child. By understanding some of the basics of why kids tend to use drugs, you can gain a head start in helping your children learn how to make good choices in life, especially when it comes to saying "No" to drugs.

Appreciation : How To Teach It To Our Kids

Did you know that when you praise your children, you're actually modeling how to notice and express appreciation? Your praise actually encourages them to be pleasant to others.

When you praise your children for certain successes and not for others, you're teaching them what is most important to you. For example, praising your child for accomplishments earned in athletics while ignoring academic achievements says a lot about what you value in your child.

In today's consumer-oriented society, kids absorb a barrage of messages that scream, "Material possessions determine self-worth!" If your children believe that, then it's important to negate that message with your own - less materialistic - beliefs. First and foremost, tell your children you love them for who they are. Then teach your children to recognize how the media's messages can sometimes be manipulative.

Advertisers are skilled at the art of making people - young and old - believe a particular product or certain look will bring success, love, happiness and joy. Ultimately, true contentment can't be found in things and your children need to hear that. Teach your children to have a healthy skepticism toward advertising and media by showing them the difference between wants and needs. By doing this, your children will become better consumers and more grounded individuals.

As parents, it's often easier to criticize and identify the faulty logic used by advertisers than it is to recognize our own communication breakdowns. If you want your children to learn the art of appreciation by valuing that which is truly important, then be generous with your praise and steadfast in your beliefs.

Helping Children Succeed In School

Children spend one-half of their waking hours in school or school related activities. Studies show that children whose parents are involved in their education do better in school than children whose parents are not involved. Parents' involvement in their children's education is a stronger indicator of their success in school than cultural background, socioeconomic level of the family, or natural individual level of academic capability.

Two activities parents can do to help their children succeed in school are:
Set up a study time at home

Completing homework helps children learn and retain new information. It improves understanding and enhances academic performance. Begin small and work towards the ideal setting. Some helpful suggestions:



* Establish a central location
* Keep area quiet and free of distractions
* Schedule time that best fits family routines
* Divide study time for children who have difficulty with concentration
* Have your child do their homework first before other activities

Communicate effectively with your child's school

This may not be easy to do but can be extremely helpful to your child's success. Some helpful suggestions:

* When attending school activities, prepare yourself with questions or concerns that you want to address.
* Begin communication when things are going well with your child. Give compliments to the teacher through notes or phone conversations.
* When there are problems, share concerns while they are small. Ask how things are going

http://www.parenting.org/discovery-years/education/helping-children-succeed-school

Addressing Problem Behavior Effectively

When it comes to teaching children self-discipline, the example parents provide is a powerful tool. These tips will give you some good ideas to help you create or improve your parenting style.
Positive Discipline

Address the problem. Young children are usually more interested in what you are going to do about their behavior than what you are going to say about it.

* Avoid making idle threats or giving too many warnings. Parents who constantly threaten children are actually helping them learn to limit-test. For instance, if you hear yourself always saying, "Don't let me tell you that again!" or "If I have to come up there you'll be sorry!" These threats actually let your children know that they have a couple of more times to keep doing the problem behavior before you really will address it. This doesn't mean you should pick on every single thing your child does wrong. You know your child's frequent or severe problem behavior. Correct these problems as soon as they start. If you address them immediately, you may be able to use minor correction, cueing or a small consequence rather than engaging in the knockdown, drag-out fights that often escalate after several warnings and ignored misbehavior.

* Remember to pick your battles. Do you feel warn-out because you are always correcting your child? Not everything your child does needs to be a point of conflict. Learn to categorize your child's behavior. There are some behaviors we just won't tolerate from our children, while others just irritate us. Use redirection, positive encouragement or ignore those irritating but insignificant problem behaviors. With more significant problem behavior, correct your child every time the behavior occurs. Give a consequence that fits the misbehavior; teach your child what to do differently, and have him or her demonstrate the desired behavior several times.

* Model self-control by staying calm. Children are not interested in everything we say as parents but they closely observe what we do. A good way to teach your child to stay calm when she is really upset is to do it yourself. Limit talking to your child when he is too emotional to listen. Once your child is calm, use a matter-of-fact tone and make your instructions short and to the point. Often parents think if they can't force their children to get under control they are letting them win. When it comes to an emotional child, it is not who wins or who loses but if there is a calm adult around when things are getting out-of-control.
* Remember to follow through. Don't fall into the trap of whimping out on giving a negative consequence when a child has earned one. Some parents think just talking to their children will stop the problem. If it does, great: Use it. For most children, however, talk is cheap and often rewarding. Don't be afraid to give your child a reasonable consequence. They will still love you. Kids want and need to know where their boundaries are. Otherwise, they will just keep making the same mistakes.

How do you stop whimping-out when it comes to giving a consequence? First, avoid statements like these, "If you do that again, you will get a consequence," or "Do you want me to punish you?" Remove the "if" and the questions from your correction. Replace them with statements like, "Because you hit her, you earned time-out" or "Now, your punishment is no snack." Reasonable consequences are effective teaching tools that help children learn right from wrong.

* Don't get sidetracked by the small stuff. Parents often get frustrated when they are trying to correct their child who is doing a lot of grumbling, mumbling and whining. Focus on correcting the original problem behavior and deal with the small irritations later. Use a broken record technique if your child purposely tries to get you off track with argumentative statements. Say to your child, "We are not talking about that now…" or "The sooner you do what I've asked, the sooner you'll get back to what you want to do."

Good Communication Helps Children Succeed In School

Children spend one-half of their waking hours in school or school-related activities. Studies show that children whose parents are involved in their education do better in school than children whose parents are uninvolved.

One of the best things you can do to become more active in your child's academic life is to communicate with your child's school. You can do that very easily by:

* Talking to teachers and staff when things are going well for your child. Offer compliments to teachers during conversations or through notes and phone calls.
* Addressing problems as they arise. Share your concerns immediately, while the issue is still small and manageable. Ask how things are going, and find out what you can do to improve the situation.
* Arming yourself with questions you want answered. Be prepared, especially if you will be attending a school activity that includes your child's teachers.
* Volunteering your time. Join the local PTA, or find other ways to be part of your child's world.